Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift in New York in 2014, just “hanging out.”
All conspiracy theories are trash — unless you’re talking about celebrity queer relationship conspiracy theories, which are 100% good and accurate.
Or so we hope. There are so many conspiracy theories in this genre that, if proven true, would bring infinite joy to queer people worldwide. The LGBTQ community has few celebrity queer relationships they can count on for gossip — a Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell here, a RuPaul and Georges LeBar there. By and large, however, these relationships are stable. They are healthy. They are far below the requisite drama standard for gossip.
We need more.
Below are a few of the most legendary conspiracy theories about queer relationships, composed entirely by the teenage professors of Tumblr and Twitter. Theorists in this arena are known as “shippers.” It’s worth mentioning that none of these theories has yet to be proven even remotely true, and some of these actors have explicitly stated that they’re heterosexual.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. If there’s one thing we’re entitled to in this great nation of ours, it’s our baseless, purely projective, borderline offensive relationship fantasies.
Here are the very best.
1. Demi Lovato and Lauren Abedini
This is one conspiracy theory that actually has some chance of being true. Lovato broke up with her longtime boo, Wilmer Valderrama, in June 2016. Around that time, Lovato revealed that she was open to dating both men and women (!!!) because “that’s how she’s always felt.” Fast forward to a year later, when the gossip blogs captured Lovato hand-in-hand with DJ Lauren Abedini at the gayest place on earth, Disneyland. Just last week, Lovato insiders spotted this key detail:
— Demi Lovato News (@justcatchmedemi) January 9, 2018
Is there enough evidence to pronounce this conspiracy theory as fact? No, there is not. But don’t you dare let that affect your detective work on Instagram, where queer conspiracy theorists are sorely underrepresented.
2. Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss
In the conspiracy theory community, those of us who believe that Taylor Swift is secretly dating fashion model Karlie Kloss identify as Kaylor Shippers.
Most critics assume that Swift’s latest album, Reputation, is about her rumored ding dong of a boyfriend, Joe Alwyn. But those of us in the know — experts in the field, really — believe that her song “Gorgeous” is about a woman (Swift) dating a man (Alwyn) while secretly being in love with a woman (Kloss). From Jezebel’s Bobby Finger:
After 3 listens, I’ve decided “Gorgeous” is about Taylor lusting after a woman while dating a man, and feeling guilt/shame because of it.
— bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) October 20, 2017
The rumor of their affair first gained speed after a series of grainy photos, allegedly showing Kloss and Swift making out at a 1975 concert, emerged. Swift quickly shut down “Kissgate” — and, in her defense, it’s impossible to precisely identify what’s happening in the photo. Still, that didn’t stop Klossers’ from keepin’ on believin’, especially when the two aren’t afraid to express their (supposedly entirely platonic) affection on Instagram.
Happy happy birthday @taylorswift13!
Pamela Anderson Thought She Had A ‘Special Power To Kill People’ As A Child After Her Death Wish Came True
Pamela Anderson exudes magic every time she runs down the beach in slo-mo — but did you know she has real “special powers”?
At least she thought she did after an allegedly predatory babysitter was killed in a car accident one day after wishing her dead.
“I had a babysitter, and she molested me for I think a year. I was between the ages of 4 and 8, somewhere in there. I remember wishing her dead, and she ended up dying the next day in her graduation in a car accident.”
Naturally, young Pam thought she was behind the freak fatality and, if she wasn’t careful, might cause another. She continued:
“I thought, ‘Okay, now I’ve killed her. I’m magic. I can’t tell my parents about this and I’ve killed her,’ so I started believing that I had this special power to kill people.”
The future actress was so terrified to oust herself as a magical being, she didn’t tell her parents about the scary coincidence until “years later.”
Of course, by that time, she realized she had magical abilities every time she squeezed into a red swimsuit.
[Image via Media Punch.]
Will Smith geeks out over the success of ‘Black Panther’ and its cast
Excited for Black Panther? So are we. Which is why we’re rolling out obsessive coverage with Black Panther Week.
Will Smith just showed the world that he’s one of the biggest Black Panther fans around.
After the tremendous success of Black Panther‘s opening weekend, Will Smith took to Instagram to share an inspiring message he himself heard from Nelson Mandela along with a video of himself geeking out about Black Panther and praising everyone who worked on Marvel’s latest film.
I want to share something that Nelson Mandela said to me. . He said, “With the type of fame that you have attained it is important when you encounter your fans that you — Reach Your Hand Out and let them Feel Your Flesh. You have to prove to them that you are REAL — because people can not aspire to anything they do not believe is Real.” . So I say to you, Congratulations! Enjoy this Transcendent Moment. Go into the streets… Touch them… Let them know that you are real! . @chadwickboseman, @michaelbjordan @lupitanyongo @letitiawright @danaigurira @danielkaluuya @im.angelabassett @andyserkis @winstoncduke @sterlingkbrown @rmorrison @therealstanlee @ludwiggoransson @iamruthecarter #blackpanther . With Pure Delight WILL 🙂
“What you have done is spectacular,” Smith said in the video. “I watched the film a couple of days ago, and damn near got brought to tears. You guys have challenged and potentially even shattered a lot of long-time, long-held false Hollywood beliefs and paradigms. I just want to say congratulations to you, I’m proud and I’m excited, damn-near giddy. Congrats y’all, go get it.”
He then crossed his arms over his chest — the Wakandan salute.
Along with the video, Smith quoted Mandela in his Instagram post, sharing a message everyone who worked on the film that spoke to what people can do with their fame and how they can reach out and inspire others.
“Go into the streets… Touch them… Let them know that you are real!” Smith wrote.
Black Panther has been heralded not only for its unmistakable quality but also its achievements in representation, not only with its predominantly black cast but also its range of diversity behind the scenes.
Amy Schumer Marries Boyfriend Chris Fischer After A Few Months Of Dating
Amy Schumer married chef Chris Fischer in a secret ceremony on Tuesday after just a few months of dating, People and Us Weekly reported.
The two were married at a house in Malibu, California, in front of 80 friends, including stars Larry David, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lawrence, David Spade and Jake Gyllenhaal, according to the reports.
Schumer, 36, and her chef boyfriend made their relationship public (as in Instagram-official) this week after attending Ellen DeGeneres’ star-studded birthday party. The two reportedly started dating around November after they were spotted having an intimate dinner in New York City.
They later attended a taping of “Saturday Night Live” together, though Schumer’s rep wouldn’t comment on the relationship.
Fisher once worked at Mario Batali’s New York City restaurant, Babbo, after being introduced by his friend, Jake Gyllenhaal.
The chef later returned to Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts, where he grew up, to work at the Beach Plum Inn (a favorite of the Obamas) and The Covington Restaurant.
Fisher who penned the James Beard Award-winning cookbook, Beetlebung Farm Cookbook recently opened Beetlebung Farm Market on Martha’s Vineyard, and plans to turn part of it into a restaurant.
“After years of working for other people, my intuition is, ‘I’m doing this on my own terms,’” Fisher told Boston magazine in July. “You can create a destination restaurant anywhere.”
Prior to meeting Fischer, Schumer dated furniture designer Ben Hanisch. The two met on a dating app in 2015 and were together for a little over a year.
“I feel like Ben is the first guy who’s really been my boyfriend,” the “I Feel Pretty” actress and author told Marie Claire in July 2016. “There are guys who, if they heard me say that, would want to punch me in the face, but yeah, it’s the truth.”
A rep for Schumer confirmed that she and Hanisch split in 2017, but said the two remained friends. It certainly seems like things are amicable, as the comedian thanked her ex for some furniture he’d built for her in September.