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These celebrity couple conspiracy theories don’t need to be true to be great

Charmaine Blake

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Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift in New York in 2014, just “hanging out.”

Image: GC Images

All conspiracy theories are trash — unless you’re talking about celebrity queer relationship conspiracy theories, which are 100% good and accurate.

Or so we hope. There are so many conspiracy theories in this genre that, if proven true, would bring infinite joy to queer people worldwide. The LGBTQ community has few celebrity queer relationships they can count on for gossip — a Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell here, a RuPaul and Georges LeBar there. By and large, however, these relationships are stable. They are healthy. They are far below the requisite drama standard for gossip. 

We need more. 

Below are a few of the most legendary conspiracy theories about queer relationships, composed entirely by the teenage professors of Tumblr and Twitter. Theorists in this arena are known as “shippers.” It’s worth mentioning that none of these theories has yet to be proven even remotely true, and some of these actors have explicitly stated that they’re heterosexual.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. If there’s one thing we’re entitled to in this great nation of ours, it’s our baseless, purely projective, borderline offensive relationship fantasies.

Here are the very best. 

1. Demi Lovato and Lauren Abedini

This is one conspiracy theory that actually has some chance of being true. Lovato broke up with her longtime boo, Wilmer Valderrama, in June 2016. Around that time, Lovato revealed that she was open to dating both men and women (!!!) because “that’s how she’s always felt.” Fast forward to a year later, when the gossip blogs captured Lovato hand-in-hand with DJ Lauren Abedini at the gayest place on earth, Disneyland. Just last week, Lovato insiders spotted this key detail:

Is there enough evidence to pronounce this conspiracy theory as fact? No, there is not. But don’t you dare let that affect your detective work on Instagram, where queer conspiracy theorists are sorely underrepresented.

2. Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss

In the conspiracy theory community, those of us  who believe that Taylor Swift is secretly dating fashion model Karlie Kloss identify as Kaylor Shippers.

Most critics assume that Swift’s latest album, Reputation, is about her rumored ding dong of a boyfriend, Joe Alwyn. But those of us in the know — experts in the field, really — believe that her song “Gorgeous” is about a woman (Swift) dating a man (Alwyn) while secretly being in love with a woman (Kloss). From Jezebel’s Bobby Finger:

The rumor of their affair first gained speed after a series of grainy photos, allegedly showing Kloss and Swift making out at a 1975 concert, emerged. Swift quickly shut down “Kissgate” — and, in her defense, it’s impossible to precisely identify what’s happening in the photo. Still, that didn’t stop Klossers’ from keepin’ on believin’, especially when the two aren’t afraid to express their (supposedly entirely platonic) affection on Instagram.

Celebrities

Ariana Grande’s ‘thank u, next’ video is a perfect parody of all your favorite teen movies

Charmaine Blake

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Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” already cemented itself as a 2018 banger, and the official video is a party of its own. Full of classic teen movie tropes and references to Mean Girls, Bring It On, Legally Blonde, and more.

The movie references are fun on their own, all teased by Grande on social media leading up to the video’s release, but the cameos make “thank u, next.”

From Mean Girls‘ original Aaron Samuels (Jonathan Bennett) to Kris Jenner as a cool mom, everyone in the video is having a blast – perhaps none more so than Jennifer Coolidge recreating an entire scene of Legally Blonde with Grande as Elle Woods.

The song talks about Grande’s exes, but the second part is all about self-discovery (“But this one gon’ last / ‘Cause her name is Ari). The movie references are strategic – though they all contain central love stories, they remain iconic because they are stories of female empowerment and a protagonist finding her voice amid all the noise.

And that shit’s amazing.”

Read more: https://mashable.com/video/ariana-grande-thank-u-next/

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Michael B. Jordan demonstrates just how fast his hands are

Charmaine Blake

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“Having starred in two Creed movies and probably endured some pretty rigorous physical training, Michael B. Jordan is pretty quick on his feet — and fast with his hands.

On The Late Late Show, Jordan demonstrated to host James Corden just how quick he can actually move them.

In a game of good old try-to-slap-my-hand-before-I-move-it-away, Jordan beat a shrieking James Corden pretty convincingly.

Oh, Michael. Your hands are faster than the speed of our love for you.”

Read more: https://mashable.com/video/michael-b-jordan-james-corden-fast-hands/

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Idris Elba is People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ for 2018

Charmaine Blake

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(CNN)He’s still not James Bond, but for now this honor will do.

He is the 33rd man to hold the title and appears this week on the magazine’s cover.
Elba told the publication, “I was like, ‘Come on, no way. Really?’ ” when he first learned he had been selected.
“Looked in the mirror, I checked myself out. I was like, ‘Yeah, you are kind of sexy today,’ ” the “Thor” star joked. “But to be honest, it was just a nice feeling. It was a nice surprise — an ego boost for sure.”
“Elba first became famous in the States for his portrayal of drug kingpin Russell “Stringer” Bell on HBO’s hit series “The Wire” (HBO is owned by CNN’s parent company) and since then has branched out to the big screen.
His early days were far from sexy, Elba said, growing up “tall and skinny” at an all-boys school in London, where he played football, basketball, cricket, hockey and rugby.
Now considered one of Hollywood’s sex symbols, Elba said he definitely had an awkward stage as a youth.
“And my name was Idrissa Akuna Elba, OK?,” he said. “I got picked on a little bit. But as soon as I could grow a mustache, I was the coolest kid on the block. Grew a mustache, had some muscles, bonkers.”
Bonkers indeed.”

Read more: https://www.cnn.com/2018/11/06/entertainment/idris-elba-sexiest-man-alive/index.html

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